How to quit your life and still end up smiling!
How to quit your life and still end up smiling! In the earlier part of this year, I decided to say goodbye to my old life! Sounds quite dramatic, doesn't it? It's not actually that dramatic, but if you asked me on the 1st of January this year if I thought this year would turn out like this, I would probably have laughed in your face.
The Beginning....
So, let's start at the beginning. For the past two years, I knew deep down I wasn't myself. I'd have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and some days just a feeling of overriding sadness that I knew just wasn't me. But what was wrong? I have a loving husband, two gorgeous children, a full-time job that pays reasonably well, a lovely home, etc.
From the outside in it looked like my life was great, but to me it didn't feel like that..........it felt like I was drowning. I was still hybrid working, so most of the time it didn't really matter how I felt as no one could see me, unless on zoom. On the days I was in the office I was very good at masking, covering up my true feelings and being my usual jolly self. Sorting everyone's issues out and being everyone shoulder to cry on. All the while I would be crumbling on the inside.
In November last year I had been with my employer for 25 years. I knew the job, inside and out, had grown up there, learned the ropes and climbed to manager level. I had responsibilities. And due to my long service, I was seen as the “go to” person. What I didn't realise, (until my husband told me much later on) is that all the while I thought I was smashing it and covering up my real feelings, what I was actually doing was just taking out on my family. Flying off the handle for the simplest of things, or just constantly being grumpy for no clear reason.
There had been some changes at my workplace. There had also been a new level created which technically demoted my role. I was still busting out the hours and it felt like the more I did, the more it was expected. The workplace had become toxic. I carried on, all the time thinking that I couldn't possibly get a new job, as I'd been there forever.
And while struggling with all this, we were also managing the very recent diagnosis of my son's ADHD. We have always known that there was something different with our son's behaviour. Over the course of his school life, (he's now in year 10) there's not been one academic year where we hadn't been called into the school to meet teachers or the head to discuss his behaviour, not once but several, each year. Unfortunately, during all of these conversations my pleas to have him referred for diagnosis on schools recommendation fell on deaf ears.
Things got so bad, that in February 2020, not long before lockdown, and after another meeting at school, I had to listen to my 10 year old tell me how he didn't want to be here anymore.
Let me tell you, no one should ever have to hear that from their child, let alone one as young as he was then. We got through it and moved on. Lockdown happened and due to the inordinate amount of time we got to spend as a family, he grew, and his behaviour got better. Wind forward to the end of 2022, when I’d been struggling in secret, and my husband was working away all week and only coming home at weekends. I was at home working from 6:30 am to 5:00 pm, five days a week and juggling my sons behaviour and being called into school constantly.
Things were really starting to take their toll. January hit, my husband was still working away. I felt like all my spinning plates were severely starting to wobble. But we finally had a diagnosis appointment for my son, (albeit a private one). During that appointment we had confirmed what we always believed, my son was indeed combined ADHD.
The Bombshell....
Then the bombshell happened! It was as if all the years of not knowing were unleashed, and during February my son’s behaviour went off the chart. I was not coping!
On one hand feeling like I wasn’t there for him due to work commitments, and almost resenting him for being called out to school time and time again, and on the other, feeling like I wasn’t succeeding at work due to my time being taken up by my son. In short, I wasn’t able to give 100% of myself to either.
By March of 2023 I was done. I broke. I knew I couldn’t carry on, and so one morning I called the doctor, not really expecting them to do anything, but during my telephone conversation with the doctor, I burst into tears and 2 years' worth of stress and anxiety poured out.
I was instantly put on sick leave. The shame I felt in telling people I had been signed off with stress was immense, (something I now realise was completely misplaced and I should never have felt) but the fact still remained: I was now publicly not coping!
My husband came home straight away, my parents came around, my friends messaged... and for the first time in years, I let go of all my emotions. There were days when I spent all day crying and shaking. This went on for weeks, until finally I plucked up the courage to call a counselling service. Over the course of the next few months, I had regular counselling sessions.
Slowly but surely, I realised that I couldn’t be everything to everyone all the time. As it turned out, my employer placed my stresses on not dealing well with my son’s diagnosis. I’d always known in my gut about his ADHD - the diagnosis was just confirmation. I’d been present, worked my backside off and always given my best even during the most challenging of times with him. How dare they put it on him!
That was the final straw, things had already began to click into place for me, and the thought of going back to that toxic workplace filled me with dread. I had received all my counselling sessions and was finally seeing the light for what it was, that I was worth more than a slave to the corporate machine that didn’t really care about me. And yes, I needed to be there for my family, I needed to start being a wife again to my husband, a much needed mum to both my son and daughter, but I needed to start being there for me... lightbulb moment guys!
The Answer...
By the end of May this year I finally left my job after 25 years. So, what was I going to do now? For me, just slotting into another corporate role just didn’t sit right. I wanted to be the master of my own time and not feel like I was having to “report in” all the time, cue one of my friends giving me the lowdown on her very successful business helping and mentoring virtual assistants. She told me all about the virtual assistant life, and I was sold. I took the opportunity to take the whole summer off with the children, something I’d never previously been able to do and probably won’t be able to again. Then in September this year, I joined Kellie’s mentor group, learned all about becoming a VA and finally in October I launched my own Virtual Assistant business, Resolva Solutions.
I can honestly say I have never felt happier and more in control. Yes, the thought of going out into the unknown, and not having the safety net of an employed job is scary and, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m now working hard to market my business, and hopefully, connect with my first client. I’m also looking after myself, I run three times a week and go walking almost every day which definitely helps with my mental health. I recently listened to an audiobook called “Greenlights” by Matthew McConaughey, it’s autobiographical, but is also loaded in every chapter with the undertone that even in the darkest of times there is always a positive or a, “greenlight”. Sometimes, things aren’t meant to work out, but look for the positive and that was the way it was always meant to be. I’m now a big believer in that!!
Meet Amanda:
“I'm a newbie to the self-employed world, I have very recently launched my own Virtual Assistant business. For the past 25 years, I have been working in a corporate environment and have taken the leap!!!
My business, Resolva Solutions aims to help businesses with their day-to-day tasks and free up precious hours in their week/month.”
SHARE YOUR STORY
Do you have a story to share? By partnering together, I hope to share a variety of stories, which help and inspire other women in business, both personally and professionally - plus it’s a great way to gain visibility for your business!
